Chapter 9. Examining the major intersections of your total journey

Chapter 9.    Examining the major intersections of your total journey

What is an intersection?

To intersect is…

to divide by passing through or across

to meet and cross

to overlap

Intersections in our lives are

times to reflect

times to think

times to consider

times to make decisions about why we are doing what we are doing and where we are going or we could go

whether our intersections occur at crossings of new roads or the beginnings of new roads, airport terminals, sea port terminals, train stations

the least number of choices we have at intersections are to

1) continue on

2) stay put

3) go back from where we come

if we are crossing at an angle with another road another potential journey or pair of journeys whether at a small angle or up to 179 degrees from where we are headed we have choices

at airports we may have one up to hundreds of choices

at train stations or bus stations we may have from only one to dozens

each of these choices could lead us to intersections that would provide many, many more choices

if have no overall destination in mind or no overall plan our initial choices may have insignificant or minor impact on our journey.

if we have a specific destination, each choice can greatly affect the outcome of our journey, each choice can greatly affect whether we will reach our destination

each choice may cause us to have to take many more turns or simply direct us straight to our goal.

In Paris, France there are numerous dead-end train stations they all either start or end in Paris, they do not pass completely through the city.  Coming from the east you will end your journey at one station and then have to travel by foot, bus, cab or car to another station to continue your trip.  Your train does not simply continue on towards your destination.

Dead ends

an end without an exit

a position, situation or course of action that leads to nothing further

dead ends can be pleasant, they can be our chosen destination or simply a temporary destination or a place or time to make a decision about where to travel to next

does you life ever seem like it is at a dead end?

a time when you see no exit, no further course of action, there is nothing for you to do then?

as I am writing these words I am trying to recall dead ends in my life.  my gut tells me that I know I must have experienced several of them

the day Merry chose to end her life

Jeff’s death

my mother’s death

my father’s death

my being fired from T R Rogvoy

my being let go from SH&G

my being let go by Fred

my being laid off from S&T

the morning I was getting married to Ruth

my leaving our house in Boynton Beach

my not being offered the job at LAR

not being awarded the Rome Prize any of the times I applied

many days when I wake up

when I left the boys behind and moved out

finishing my college degrees

the edge of the hill/cliff/mountain in Montana

so many times while I have been traveling

an intersection is a point, a place, an opportunity to make new decisions or simply to make decisions whether we want to or not

our decisions can be made for us

our decisions can be obvious

our decisions may present us many options

when we arrive at a t-intersection we have four decisions

we can go right, left, stay put or turn around and return towards where we came from

when we arrive at an x-intersection we have five decisions

we can go right, left, go on, stay put or turn around and return towards where we came from

in my 73 day wandering around the world I experienced many intersections

at airports

Auckland

Christchurch

Wellington

Rotorua

Auckland

Melbourne

Hobart

Adelaide

Uluru

Alice springs

Perth

Darwin

Cairns

Brisbane

Kuala Lumpur

Singapore

Columbo, Sri Lanka

Channi, Lndia

Dubai

Istanbul, Turkey

Copenhagen

Paris, France

at train stations

Christchurch to Dunedin

Dunedin to Queenstown

Sydney to Olympic site

Sydney to Canberra

NSW/Victoria border

Melbourne to Williamstown

Adelaide to Perth

suburbs to Perth

Perth to my host’s home

Kuala Lumpur to Singapore

from A’s home to Copenhagen

Copenhagen to Delft thru Germany and Amsterdam

Delft to Utrecht

Dove to London

London to Stratford

Stratford to Salisbury

Salisbury to London

London to Paris

at bus stations and bus stops

along the trip from Dunedin to Queenstown

Queenstown to Franz Joseph

Franz Joseph to Nelson

Sydney to suburbs

Canberra to Holcomb

Holcomb to NSW/Victoria border

in Perth

in Copenhagen

when we change our modes of travel we are at intersections, places to make decisions

when I planned my 73 day journey I made many of the decisions involving intersections ahead of time.  I made all the decisions for when I was leaving one country and traveling to another, I made the major decisions ahead of time

why do we make our major decisions in advance?

to save time

to establish a plan

to save money

to make it easier

to gives us a foundation, a plan, a structure to rely on to depend on

I chose my key destinations ahead of time

I chose my weekly, daily, hourly often at short notice and change them sometimes many times or simply often

why do I change my mind so often?

the situations changed

my mood changed

what I discovered wasn’t what I wanted

the weather changed

the energy no longer felt right

It was my second day in Sydney.  The night before I had slept at Ian and Diane’s house in their northern suburb home, King’s Cross or Crossing.  Ian had driven me over to Charles Cave’s home that morning.  After spending some time meeting and talking with Charles’ English mother, Charles and I drove into Sydney.  He took me to the mouth of the Sydney bay on the south shore to show me the Pacific Ocean and one of his favorite small restaurants, a fish and chips place, a place made famous in an American commercial or movie.  The seagulls surrounded us like flies.  Then we drove onto another point to view the Pacific Ocean from and on through Double Bay (Double Pay) and other southern Sydney suburbs.  Like the book I read about Sydney it is clear that neighborhood distinction and pride is very high.  Each has its own character and the citizens/residents make a point of maintaining the character.  We went to Bondi Beach, a childhood favorite spot of Charles’, much in character to my memories of Lake St. Clair north of Detroit.  We walked the beach, took photos talked and then had a great ice cream cone while walking the commercial street lined with shop after shop of touristy/vacationy type shops, stores and restaurants.  Bondi reminded me of Ft. Lauderdale and so many other places I have visited.

From there we drove into Sydney where Charles dropped me off at the door of the Y where I would spend the evening.

After dropping off my small day back pack.  I had to walk both up and down several flights of stairs, the elevator was being repaired.  Off I went to explore Sydney.  It had been raining off and on most of the day.  The rain was following me and would for a few days to several of my destinations.

The Opera that night…great fun, an aesthetic night out of entertainment mingly with various sections of Sydney’s society.  The opera was fun with pre-titles, subtitles above the stage front. 

The next day involved many trips, destinations, many changes on the spot while I was moving to try to experience as much as possible.

That third afternoon proved to be a challenge.  The rain got harder and harder, heavier and heavier.  My umbrella helped but the rain killed my enthusiasm.  Yet I kept moving, kept moving but not necessarily forward or towards a specific destination.  I just kept moving continually changing my destination as my mood changed and the conditions or situations changed.  By lunch time the streets were overflowing with people, people, people and even more people it was like being a chick in a grower house near the end of the 5 week cycle, piles and piles of humans pushing, shoving, bumping just filling every inch of the sidewalks and streets of downtown Sydney.

I kept moving trying to get out of the chaos.  I finally found a train station in the lower level of a building and headed towards the main train station and from there continued on towards the Olympic site.  I got lucky I had chosen the right train to board.  It was filled with high school or college students all talking at the same time.  I was becoming stressed, stressed to the point of screaming yelling “let me out of here.”

I moved to another train car and found some space, some peace and quiet.

In about a half hour we arrived at the Olympic site.  It was huge.  It was nearly empty.  There were probably thousands of people but the space was so huge that the people seemed like a hand full of leaves shattered by the winds across a huge empty desert.

Why am I writing this?

I am frustrated, unfocused, I am trying to keep moving like I was that day.

I am in a bad mood, a depressed state.  I have no destination.  I have no plan nothing that is exciting to think about or feel about to plan for to even care for.  That is how that day felt.

It had rained most of the day.

It had been cold.

Charles didn’t seem like he really wanted to tour me around

we seemed to do things just to do things

I felt abandoned in Sydney

I had the day to “kill” before I was to go to the Opera at the famous Sydney Opera House, Eero Saarinen’s chosen design, designed by Jon Utzon

who had abandoned Sydney and his famous design because the people working on it with him wanted to keep changing it from his original design.  He simply left and never returned.  Now that design says Sydney like the golden gate bridge says San Francisco, the arch says St. Louis and the world trade center towers used to say New York City.

I am writing just to keep writing.  

I have contracted with myself to write every day on this book.

right now I am not as committed to it, especially this section because I don’t know if any of this is of value and will be kept.

I experienced an intersection in Sydney that day.  I didn’t know where I really wanted to go.  I was just doing things to do things because I had left everything behind, actually I left mostly nothing behind, and I was traveling on my great, fantastic journey, my world trip and that day I was depressed, frustrated, I felt alone, abandoned, unwanted, unneeded, unknown.  I was in a strange city, in a strange country, I had no friends with me, no family, no one I cared about.  I didn’t even care much about me at that time.

I had gone to the aquarium, rode several ferry boats, taken many photos, road the tourist train that runs around the tourist area of downtown Sydney at the second or third floor above the ground in and out of buildings and across the small bay off the main Sydney Bay.  I had walked around the amusement park like area with the games and restaurants.  I had tried to go to the big screen theatre but had missed the starting times twice.  I was completely filled up with Sydney and tired of the rain, the people, the noise, the stress and the damn rain and more rain.

I was experiencing a bad day.

I had no plan no real goal.

The few very loose goals I had were not working out or ending up what I wanted them to be.  Everything seemed to be whatever was available to do not what I wanted to do and I was alone, completely alone in a city filled with people of all ages, some on their last school holiday, many others there waiting to attend the great soccer or rugby match to be held that weekend.

I had a plan, a master plan and I was sticking to it, I was stuck by it.  I was a fly stuck on a huge sheet of sticky fly paper.  I had lost control.  I was being control and I was struggled like a fish hooked on a uncaring fisherman’s line, wriggling and fighting for my life not knowing what I was fighting or knowing if I could survive or would survive, would live.

Part of me didn’t care whether I did survive or live much longer.

Close to sundown I walked across the beautiful park towards the Sydney tower to see the city from high above.  The rain clouds were breaking finally again.  The sky was lightening up.  The sun was shining.  Some of the clouds were laced with yellow sunlight and looking very pretty.  I could see patches of pale blue sky.  My spirits were lifting towards the end of the day.  I entered the base of the tower.  It was confusing about how to find the entrance to the tower elevators.  I road a couple escalators and took a short elevator ride and then found the ticket window in the mass of other tourists and visitors crammed into the building, together all trying to keep out of the rain.  I road up the tower elevator.  It was completely enclosed.  there were 3 or 4 of us, strangers trapped in this box, claustrophobic box.  We couldn’t see or experience the wonder of rising up the tower instead with we cells being shot up a tube to the top.  It wasn’t a wonderful ride like going up the Auckland tower or the Peachtree Tower or the Toronto Tower.  It was very restrictive and limiting.  But I said to myself it will be great when the elevator doors open and I can see the sunlight city below me in all directions for miles.

The elevator doors opened.

No sunshine.  No 360 degree views of beautiful Sydney.  All I could see was the inside of a thunder and rain cloud.  The sky had changed from the white puffy clouds and patches of blue sky to total gray on gray on darker gray masses of rain clouds.  The observation level was completely jammed with people, just like the streets below.  I forced myself through the crowded like a lone salmon swimming completely against the mass of other salmon migrating through the stream to a predestined location like nature’s giant magnet pulling them.

I got to the outer wall.  No one seemed to be moving away from the windows so I could get a view.  The chinese, japanese, australian, german, french and other nationality tourists were jammed elbow to elbow shoulder to shoulder crushing in to see out the sloped tower windows all trying to see through the rain cloud to the gray city below.  Then I noticed that several of the people were faced inward leaning against the glass and the structural members holding the wall and glass in place.  They weren’t even looking just occupying the damn space keeping me from getting to the window I had paid my damn money to get to look out of at the beautiful, not beautiful but gray, dismally gray Sydney below.  I began walking, moving, shoving clockwise around the observation level struggling to find places to get up against the glass so I could take photographs at least of the gray city below.  I was going against the crowd’s flow, path.  That was a familiar experience.  More often than not I tend to move in the opposite or contrary directions to the masses that I get stuck with.

What made it worse was I had left my umbrella in my room at the Y because it had looked like the rain had finally stopped for the evening.  When I left the observation level I began looking for a shop to buy still another umbrella.  The prices were rediculous.  So instead I fought to find a path back to the Y, my umbrella and my change of clothes for the Opera under awnings, overhangs, canopies on buildings or under other people’s umbrellas who were going my way.  I wandered from street to street, block by block taking a route I had not taken before, without a map or a plan just a destination and a sense, a mental sense or sketch of the route that would take me back to the Y and a few minutes of rest and peace from all the chaos on the streets of Sydney.  The wind was blowing.  I was getting wetter and wetter.  I kept telling myself I would be warm and dry soon, soon as I could get back to the Y.

Have you experienced days like that?  Mornings or afternoons like that?  Meetings like that?

No real plan.  No back up plan when your loosely assembled plan or lack of plan falls apart because the situation changes or the conditions change completely out of your control.

I didn’t handle the conditions, the situations, my mood very well that day.  I simply kept plugging and pushing knowing that I did have something planned that was going to be special, extra special that night.  I was going to see an Opera at the famous Sydney Opera House.  No matter how shitty my day had been or the weather had been or how over crowded and pushy the herds of people had been I was going to have a great evening.

Has that happened to you?  Do you choose fantastic goals things to do that you are very excited and motivated by that keep you moving even when everything else seems to be falling apart or going to hell?

I experienced a series of intersections that day but I did not take control of them I let them amorphically, without structure or plan, control me and my life for those hours.  The result: frustration, pain, anger, stress.

What might I have done differently?

Stopped and found a quiet space to sit and relax, take a few relaxing pace slowing breaths.  Taken out a pad or piece of paper even a restaurant napkin and a pen or pencil even if I had to borrow it from a waiter and write out what was happening to examine it and to accept that things were not the way I wanted them and then started listing what else might I do while I was relaxing.

Then I could have accepted the conditions, the situations and asked myself…

What might be good about this?

crowds of pushing people

lots of business, money and profits for the shops, stores and restaurants

people I could watch to study Australians and tourists visiting Australia to discover what I might learn simply by easily watching, listening, smelling

fun and laughter for families visiting together

high energy for sports fans gathering to support their team

rain

plants getting nourishment

streets and sidewalks being washed

umbrella sales up

raincoat sales up

learn to carry my umbrella more

learn to dress with rain protective/resistant clothing

carry a pack with a change of clothes just in case

buy post cards of sunny days in the tower

plan ahead for such possible changes in weather for the rest of my trip

learn to enjoy the feel, sound, smell, taste, sense of rain in a big city

go to a museum

go to a church to relax, think, perhaps pray for better weather or acceptance of rain as a good thing

time to reflect about the beautiful and wonderful things I have already experienced today with Charles, Ian, Diane, the people on the ferry boats, the marketing/advertising man on the boat with the long hair who took my picture with the “coat hanger” bridge in the background

reflect on the awe and majesty of seeing the mouth of the Sydney Bay and all the fantastic history

I learned the “What’s Good About It?” or “What Might Be Good About It?” approach years ago while attending my second Creative Problem Solving Institute.  Sid Shore, one of my early CPSI mentors did a session that Merry and I attended together and enjoyed very much.  I had used it often successfully.

Unfortunately I didn’t think or take the time to think about using it that day.

Instead I kept pushing, pushing forward acting exactly like the crowds of people I felt trapped by and in.

When life gives us shit we can choose to turn it into fertilizer.  Lemons, lemonade.

We can also remember the line from Joel Goodman, a creativity and humor consultant and speaker friend…

“If you can say to yourself, ‘some day’ll laugh at this’, then why not start laughing a little right then.”

Actually that is a guiding technique I used deliberatelly during my 73 day journey and have sporatically used in bad parts or situations of my life since first hearing Joel say it or the many times I have heard him say it in person or in my head repeatedly.

When you get to an intersection it helps to have a plan.  If you do not have a plan, a destination, a driving goal, mission or objective then create one at least a temporary one to re-motivate yourself.  If the intersection catches or causes you to feel depressed, frustrated or angry then take time to relax, refocus, re-center to take control back.

My life has been sprinkled very heavily with pain, frustration, tragedy and grief yet I keep moving.  Sometimes I am barely moving and only a biofeedback device could register my movement but I am still moving.  But where?  Why?

That I am not sure.

Do I have a destiny to fulfill?

Do I have a mission, vision, goals, objectives, projects to fulfill?

Some times I have or have had.

Often when I have completed a job, trip, project, passed a test, or fulfilled a mission, goal, objective or task and all of a sudden I feel empty, spent, exhausted, depleted, underwhelmed, unmotivated, without direction or aim.

That is a life intersection, an intersection with no crossing roads no airplane, train or bus gates that I can choose from to keep moving.

As long as I keep moving I seem to be happier.  Even when I don’t have anywhere I really want to go keeping moving sometimes is all I need.

I can hear Jessica, my daughter, saying “your happiest when you are working or busy”.

Perhaps I am a type A, at least a mild version of one, personality.  I have to be busy.

Just being busy or keeping busy just don’t generate a valuable, meaningful, valuable life.

Just being busy provide you a sense of meaning, value or purpose in your life.

Most of the time during my life I can recall feeling or thinking that I must have a purpose, a meaning, a value to my life, a mission, a guiding purpose.

Completing a degree, passing a class, completing or doing a project, doing a drawing, a set of handouts for a workshop, drawing a cartoon, generating ideas to possibly solve a problem these are what seem to keep me moving.

Sometimes that feels like being a gerbil or hamster running nowhere rapidly on a wheel in a cage.

Does your life feel like a cage right now?

Some times my does.

I tend to travel, go off on journeys to get myself out cages or to leave the cage or cage feeling behind for awhile.

Grief from loss can become a cage, whether virtual, imaginary or real.

Intersections can be positive, neutral, negative or devastating or threatening.

If we plan ahead for our intersections or potential intersections we can lessen the negative factors they can possess or create.